Gratitude Journal: Day 11
November 13, 2020

For 3 hours this morning, I bounced between joy, neutral, and rage.

My son, Bodhi, was an integral part of the rollercoaster. Sometimes, all he has to do is be him. If I’m not in balance, how can I possibly be there to hold space for what he’s going through.

My deepest regrets are the unloving things that came out of my mouth. Those passing words do so much harm to a young child who internalizes everything. Every “you are such a” and “why can’t you just” becomes the fabric of his reality.

I feel sadness for my interactions. For losing sight of the light and for the impact it had on my family. That’s a big part of why I’m doing this gratitude challenge. To illuminate that which I most want to change.

So here we go – today’s Gratitude Journal (Day 11) is dedicated to Bodhi. My greatest teacher.

1️⃣ I am infinitely grateful for today’s rollercoaster of a morning because of all the small victories I had in between the setbacks.

2️⃣ I am infinitely grateful for Bodhi being my mirror because I am committed to letting go of what I see in the reflection.

3️⃣ I am infinitely grateful for the moment of healing that Bodhi and I had in the car just before he left (I got to look him in the eyes, connect, and apologize) because we both needed it.

4️⃣ I am infinitely grateful for Bodhi’s love of playing with toy trains because it allows me to relive my childhood.

5️⃣ I am infinitely grateful that Bodhi loves to wear the same shirt as me because it’s super adorable when we go out together.

The shirt I’m wearing was my dad’s – and the one Bodhi is wearing was mine as a kid.

6️⃣ I am infinitely grateful for all the times that Bodhi snuggles, kisses, and says I love you to his sister because he really does.

7️⃣ I am infinitely grateful for all the times Bodhi checks in to see if someone is OK after they get hurt because it shows he cares.

8️⃣ I am truly grateful when Bodhi fully expresses his anger because the true magnitude of what lies beneath both frightens him and needs to come out.

9️⃣ I am grateful Bodhi contributing to our household in ways that I don’t see because I know he’s always trying.

🔟 I am grateful for the first moment I ever held Bodhi because it’s a moment I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

12 minutes after Bodhi was born.

1️⃣1️⃣ I am infinitely grateful to Bodhi for choosing me to be his dad because I get to be his dad!!

Why Gratitude?

This morning, I looked to gratitude for help. While it came up short today, I know that it’s a tool like any other. It must be sharpened and maintained.

I believe that all the extra effort I put into these online shares helps amplify the effect of gratitude. I do more than just “write 10 things down.” I turn each day into an art project and focus on it for hours – saying thank you at every step.

That can only be a good thing for my overall ability to stop, breathe, and choose my reaction.